//quote array fortunes = new Array(); fortunes[0] = "Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."; fortunes[1] = "Get even - live long enough to be a problem to your kids."; fortunes[2] = "Slow is when someone laps you in the hundred yard dash."; fortunes[3] = "It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a bad example."; fortunes[4] = "Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it."; fortunes[5] = "There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."; fortunes[6] = "Lord, if you won't make me skinny, please make all my friends fat."; fortunes[7] = "A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead."; fortunes[8] = "It's not me who can't keep a secret, it's the people I tell that can't."; fortunes[9] = "A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it."; fortunes[10] = "Modesty is a virtue of fools."; fortunes[11] = "One good turn gets most of the blankets."; fortunes[12] = "The more people i meet, the more i like my dog."; fortunes[13] = "My parents stayed together for forty years, but that was out of spite."; fortunes[14] = "It's hard to face the problem, when the problem is your face."; fortunes[15] = "I fear my inferiority complex is not as good as yours."; fortunes[16] = "Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, Where the heck is the ceiling?"; fortunes[17] = "Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."; fortunes[18] = "I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead."; fortunes[19] = "Anythings possible... apart from skiing through a revolving door."; fortunes[20] = "I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not sure."; fortunes[21] = "A drop of ink may make a million think."; fortunes[22] = "A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of."; fortunes[23] = "If you can't convince them, confuse them."; fortunes[24] = "Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering."; fortunes[25] = "He who laughs last thinks slowest."; fortunes[26] = "Exercise is such a bad word, that, whenever i say it, I immediately wash my mouth with chocolate!"; fortunes[27] = "People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues."; fortunes[28] = "You have the right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them."; fortunes[29] = "Save the whales. Collect the whole set."; fortunes[30] = "Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity."; fortunes[31] = "Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice."; fortunes[32] = "Little and often makes much."; fortunes[33] = "The days you work are the best days."; fortunes[34] = "Today is a lucky day for those who remain cheerful and optimistic. "; fortunes[35] = "If you continually give, you will continually have."; fortunes[36] = "You were born with the skill to communicate with people easily. "; fortunes[37] = "The hard times will begin to fade, joy will take their place. "; fortunes[38] = "The first step to better times is to imagine them. "; fortunes[39] = "Ideas are like children; there are none so wonderful as your own. "; fortunes[40] = "When you speak honestly and openly, others truly listen to you."; fortunes[41] = "Trust your intuition. The universe is guiding your life. "; fortunes[42] = "It doesn't matter. Who is without a flaw? "; fortunes[43] = "It is much wiser to take advice than to give it. "; fortunes[44] = "Many a false step is made by standing still. "; fortunes[45] = "A thrilling time is in your immediate future."; fortunes[46] = "You should be able to make money and hold on to it."; fortunes[47] = "The skills you have gathered will one day come in handy. "; fortunes[48] = "Every excess becomes a vice."; fortunes[49] = "Be direct, usually one can accomplish more that way. "; fortunes[50] = "Keep in close touch with what your competition is doing. "; fortunes[51] = "Your skill will accomplish what the force of many cannot."; fortunes[52] = "Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded. "; fortunes[53] = "If you want the rainbow, you must to put up with the rain. D. Parton "; fortunes[54] = "Our first and last love...is self love."; fortunes[55] = "None of the secrets of success will work unless you do. "; fortunes[56] = "Today is a lucky day for those who remain cheerful and optimistic. "; fortunes[57] = "You were born with the skill to communicate with people easily. "; fortunes[58] = "The first step to better times is to imagine them. "; fortunes[59] = "Trust your intuition. The universe is guiding your life. "; fortunes[60] = "It doesn't matter. Who is without a flaw? "; fortunes[61] = "Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life. "; fortunes[62] = "The secret of getting ahead is getting started. "; fortunes[63] = "Make two grins grow where there was only a grouch before."; fortunes[64] = "Decide what you want and go for it."; fortunes[65] = "Your past success will be overshadowed by your future success. "; fortunes[66] = "You are talented in many ways. "; fortunes[67] = "Any rough times are behind you. "; fortunes[68] = "Grand adventures await those who are willing to turn the corner."; fortunes[69] = "None of the secrets of success will work unless you do. "; fortunes[70] = "The smart thing is to prepare for the unexpected. "; fortunes[71] = "There is yet time enough for you to take a different path."; fortunes[72] = "You are very expressive and positive in words, act and feeling. "; fortunes[73] = "You should be able to undertake and complete anything. "; fortunes[74] = "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Lao Tzu "; fortunes[75] = "A scholars ink lasts longer than a martyrs blood. "; fortunes[76] = "Funny thing about humility. Just when you think you've got it, you've lost it. "; fortunes[77] = "There is a true and sincere friendship between you and your friends. "; fortunes[78] = "You find beauty in ordinary things, do not lose this ability. "; fortunes[79] = "Ideas are like children; there are none so wonderful as your own."; fortunes[80] = "It takes more than good memory to have good memories."; fortunes[81] = "A thrilling time is in your immediate future. "; fortunes[82] = "Your blessing is no more than being safe and sound for the whole lifetime. "; fortunes[83] = "Plan for many pleasures ahead. "; fortunes[84] = "The joyfulness of a man prolongeth his days. "; fortunes[85] = "Your everlasting patience will be rewarded sooner or later."; fortunes[86] = "Make two grins grow where there was only a grouch before. "; fortunes[87] = "Something you lost will soon turn up. "; fortunes[88] = "Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout."; fortunes[89] = "Excitement and intrigue follow you closely wherever you go! "; fortunes[90] = "A pleasant surprise is in store for you."; fortunes[91] = "May life throw you a pleasant curve."; fortunes[92] = "As the purse is emptied the heart is filled. "; fortunes[83] = "Be mischievous and you will not be lonesome. "; fortunes[94] = "You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music. "; fortunes[95] = "Your flair for the creative takes an important place in your life. "; fortunes[96] = "Your artistic talents win the approval and applause of others. "; fortunes[97] = "Pray for what you want, but work for the things you need. "; fortunes[98] = "Your many hidden talents will become obvious to those around you."; fortunes[99] = "Don't forget, you are always on our minds."; fortunes[100] = "Your greatest fortune is the large number of friends you have."; fortunes[101] = "A firm friendship will prove the foundation on your success in life. "; fortunes[102] = "Don't ask, don't say. Everything lies in silence. "; fortunes[103] = "Look for new outlets for your own creative abilities. "; fortunes[104] = "Be prepared to accept a wondrous opportunity in the days ahead! "; fortunes[105] = "Fame, riches and romance are yours for the asking. "; fortunes[106] = "Good luck is the result of good planning."; fortunes[107] = "Good things are being said about you."; fortunes[108] = "Smiling often can make you look and feel younger. "; fortunes[109] = "Someone is speaking well of you. "; fortunes[110] = "The time is right to make new friends."; fortunes[111] = "You will inherit some money or a small piece of land. "; fortunes[112] = "Your life will be happy and peaceful. "; fortunes[113] = "A friend is a present you give yourself. "; fortunes[114] = "A member of your family will soon do something that will make you proud. "; fortunes[115] = "A quiet evening with friends is the best tonic for a long day. "; fortunes[116] = "A single kind word will keep one warm for years."; fortunes[117] = "Anger begins with folly, and ends with regret."; fortunes[118] = "Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals. "; fortunes[119] = "Happy news is on its way to you. "; fortunes[120] = "He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at."; fortunes[121] = "If your desires are not extravagant they will be granted. "; fortunes[122] = "Let there be magic in your smile and firmness in your handshake."; fortunes[123] = "Nature, time and patience are the three best physicians. "; fortunes[124] = "Strong and bitter words indicate a weak cause."; fortunes[125] = "The beginning of wisdom is to desire it. "; fortunes[126] = "You will have a very pleasant experience."; fortunes[127] = "You will inherit some money or a small piece of land. "; fortunes[128] = "You will live a long, happy life. "; fortunes[129] = "You will spend old age in comfort and material wealth. "; fortunes[130] = "You will step on the soil of many countries. "; fortunes[131] = "You will take a chance in something in the near future."; fortunes[132] = "You will witness a special ceremony. "; fortunes[133] = "Your everlasting patience will be rewarded sooner or later."; fortunes[134] = "Your great attention to detail is both a blessing and a curse."; fortunes[135] = "Your heart is a place to draw true happiness. "; fortunes[136] = "Your ability to juggle many tasks will take you far. "; fortunes[137] = "A friend asks only for your time, not your money. "; fortunes[138] = "You will be invited to an exciting event."; fortunes[139] = "A warm smile is testimony of a generous nature."; fortunes[140] = "A secret admirer will soon send you a sign of affection. "; fortunes[141] = "Love asks me no questions, and gives me endless support. Shakespeare "; fortunes[142] = "In the end there are three things that last: faith, hope and love; and the greatest of these is love. "; fortunes[143] = "Don't forget, you are always on our minds. "; fortunes[144] = "Love is for the lucky and the brave."; fortunes[145] = "If you continually give, you will continually have."; fortunes[146] = "If you would be loved, love and be lovable. "; fortunes[147] = "The one you love is closer than you think. "; fortunes[148] = "Love always and deeply. "; fortunes[149] = "Your heart will always make itself known through your words. "; fortunes[150] = "Love begets love. "; fortunes[151] = "We cannot do great things; only small things with great love. Mother Teresa "; fortunes[152] = "Love is like wildflowers...it is often found in the most unlikely places. "; fortunes[153] = "Love is the only medicine for a broken heart. "; fortunes[154] = "He who throws dirt is losing ground. "; fortunes[155] = "You can always find happiness at work on Friday."; fortunes[156] = "Do not mistake temptation for opportunity. "; fortunes[157] = "A woman who seeks to be equal with men lacks ambition. Ouch!!! "; fortunes[158] = "The greatest danger could be your stupidity. "; fortunes[159] = "He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at."; fortunes[160] = "He who laughs last is laughing at you. "; fortunes[161] = "A closed mouth gathers no feet. "; fortunes[162] = "A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking."; fortunes[163] = "A cynic is only a frustrated optimist."; fortunes[164] = "A fanatic is one who can't change his mind, and won't change the subject."; fortunes[165] = "It doesn't matter. Who is without a flaw?"; fortunes[166] = "The world may be your oyster, but it doesn't mean you'll get its pearl. "; fortunes[167] = "Flattery will go far tonight."; //randomization var now = new Date(); var secs = now.getSeconds(); var raw_random_number = Math.random(secs); var random_number = Math.round(raw_random_number * (fortunes.length)); if (random_number == fortunes.length){random_number = 0} //set quote var fortune = fortunes[random_number]; //call quote on page using //